If I was a modern day Noah, my smut arch would consist of the Bang Bros Network.  With over 900 hours of video, I literally would have 40 days and 40 nights of top notch porn to get me though the buzz killed deluge.  (I just hope in this situation the big guy upstairs would accept a jerk marathon as a worthy substitute for a spiritual penance.) 

Needless to say, we have insane volume; more pussies and asses to gaze at than all stars and satellites floating around in a country night. 

Members of the Brazzers Network get complete access to 19 premium sites, including the following ball-busting destinations:

Pornstars Like It Big:  Top notch tail like Puma Swede, Amy Reid, and Brooke Belle being reamed by biggie-sized schlongs. 

Milfs Like It Big: Stacked cougars milking über man-stick. 

Big Tits at School: Hardcore debauchery brought to you by the letters DD and the number 69.

Big Wet Butts: Heavily oiled rumps railed deep, hard, and fast; a marvel of modern-day buggery.

Baby Got Boobs: A teen tittie-fucking frenzy.

Racks & Blacks: Giant schlongs in one corner and accommodating cock-sluts in the other—it’s a match made in big wad heaven.

Simply put, all of your big tit hardcore fantasies are covered, even the ones you don’t know you have. 

Being a member of DVD Tube is like having a Wal-Mart stocked only with porn, neatly and ergonomically stowed in your basement; this site is vast, diverse, and reasonably priced considering that its content is virtually inexhaustible.  As of this morning, they have 4547 full length DVDs available for either download or streaming.  If you were to balance the boxes for these films on top of each other, it would be the tallest manmade structure in the world, and that’s including those crazy skyscrapers in Dubai. 

No matter what genre you may call home, if you’re a creampie aficionado or a European enthusiast, this site has it covered—in spades!  All the major stars are well represented and searchable, making it a breeze to find exactly who you want and what you want.  To test this feature out, I typed in Audrey Hollander, being a big anal/DP fan.  Instantly I had over a dozen titles to choose from, clearly displayed and organized.

Straight up, this site blows me away.  It is the perfect marriage of design and substance.  With an easy-to-use interface and an intuitive attention to detail, DVD Tube is a premium site that all others should be modeled after.

1948 DVDs!   Let’s think about this- that is one movie a year from the birth of Christ to the Atomic age.  That’s 4000 straight hours of porn.  It would take 167 days, night and day, 24/7, to watch all of that swag.    You could literally bust a million nuts without ever having a repeat.  Well folks, I have my work cut out for me. 

There is not a day that goes by that I don’t lament the categorical fact: I’m not a Lesbian.  I had to be born a straight man, instead of the gay woman; just my luck.  Sure, I’m happy I have a penis to fuck pune with, but man, what I would give to be a sister elbow deep in a lesbian threesome?  Looking at the content of Lucky Lesbians makes a fella wonder; would becoming a woman just for lesbo sex be worth all those dudes hitting on you?  I’ll leave that question for you to decide.

After spending several hours going through this website, I have only one other problem; where the hell am I going to toss-one-off at work without being caught.  There’s the washroom, but it’s not a Johnny Solo; there’s the Starbucks down the street, but then I’m that guy; there’s the pocket pinch, but then I have to deal with my jizzy load for the rest of the day.   The only solution is to grit my teeth and bare it, hopefully my raging hard-on will dissipate on its own; if not, I’ll have to strap it to my stomach under my belt, two notches tighter, just to keep the fucker at bay.

Needless to say, this action is hot as hell.  Lesbian fans and wannabes will pop and gush at the XXX material.  The girls are young, fit, and fresh, not a wrinkle or unflattering blemish on the lot of them.

Whenever I see a site name like Biohazard Bitches, I get all tingly inside.  Is this gonna to be the one, I ask myself, the veritable Xanadu of internet porn.  For a site to qualify as “a vision,” a site for all other smut destinations to emulate, it can not only be extremely hardcore, but it must also be creative, have content unfathomable to lesser pages. 

I am glad to report that Biohazard Bitches aspires for this lofty rank.  As soon as I entered the member’s area, I was impressed with its pictures of hot blonds licking toiled seats and bent over brunettes taking wood in the ass, and I’m not referring to man wood—I’m talking about the pine handle of a toilet plunger used as rectal depth gage. 

My jaw rarely hits the floor surfing porn, but I found my gapped mouth salivating as I watched video after video of the most depraved sexual acts the brain can fart out.  We have vicious double ass penetrations, throat suffocating blowjobs, rabid salad tossing, gushing creampies, and choking facials.  The cum really hits the fan!  With big names like Vixen, Audrey Hollander, and Tori Lane filling out the content, it’s a safe bet that any hardcore fan will walk away from this site with a heavy hand and an empty sack.

Let me begin by saying that X Movies offers full access to nearly 1500 DVD’s.  These films can all be quickly streamed or downloaded.  We have the following five formats to choice from; XviD (1100kbps), WMV (512kbps), WMV (256kbps) iPod MP4 (700kbps), and MPEG (700kbps), all of which look good on screen. 

When streaming, there is a function that allows you to quickly jump to any part of the clip, which is great for finding just the right moment to finish at. 

At first I thought I was in for a mentally handicapped site, if such a beast existed.  I was like “wow, can they do that for real?”  I prepped myself for Corky nailing some crossed eyed bitch, but no- the page turned out to be a normal XXX page; strangely, I was disappointed, glum even.  I was ready for something I had never seen before.  Oh well, I’ll give you this one, internet.

On the plus side Simple Fucks is an amazing porn site brimming with the hottest babes ever to be jizzed on.  I even made one of them my new wallpaper, a freckled nosed blond with baby blue eyes to kill and die for.  The sex is hardcore all the way.  The action goes anal, deep throat, and facial at all the opportune moments. 

Internal Violations takes a frown and turns it upside down, taking a word with negative connotations and positively charging it with the warm and fuzzies.  Hardcore sex has that effect on language.  Take the word slut, for example: in the porn universe this hallowed title is granted only to the elite, the best of best, it’s the gold star of the industry.  Meaning is all about context; hence, Internal Violations translates into amazing sex.

What is amazing sex?  In my books it’s double penetration, two cocks raging back to back in a single femme hole; it is deep throated blowjobs, long and savoring; it is two girls French kissing with a dick playing lip defense; it is every orifice overflowing with splooge, 4 pints of cum in a half pint hole.  

Luckily, this is what you can expect in Internal Violations, a no-limits cluster fuck of the highest order.   

Solo Masturbation is not Chewbacca’s buddy tossing one in the back of the Millennium Falcon.  Solo Masturbation is a porn genre that showcases individual girls school their vaginas in the art of the pleasurable cuff.  It involves oils, fingers, dildos, vibrators, and an assortment of household items going loco in and on, hood and hole.  

In Sex Toy Teens we have a variety of coeds jerking with some the luckiest molds since Angelina Jolie had the Congolese beaver stink.  If reincarnation exists, I want to come back as one of these faux cocks.  Man-o-man, do they ever rub one off.  No body cavity is ignored. 

9 out of 10 Imperial Emperors agree, Sex Toy Teens definitely know the powers of the dark side of the force.